with Relationship Sexpert Larry James
Detailing Foreplay
(For Men Only) - Part I
Larry James
If you are truly interested in improving your sex life, remember this: "Foreplay begins with taking out the
garbage without being asked!"
You must be willing to give your partner what she needs on a practical and emotionally level. This means
connecting with her emotionally outside of the bedroom, in ways that she needs.
She needs to hear you say, "I love you." She needs to be appreciated; to hear that the house looks great
after she's spent all day cleaning; to hear that she is still beautiful to you.
She needs to see you "take the initiative" and share in the responsibilities of the home, including the
household chores. She needs you to notice her new hairdo; to pick up the kids after soccer practice.
It is easy to couple with someone emotionally for the time it takes to have sex. But what about foreplay?
What about making love? Foreplay isn't just removing clothing so that you can have sex. Foreplay is doing
whatever your lover needs to feel ready to make love.
Most often it has more to do with how she is treated outside the bedroom rather than inside it.
You begin making love to your partner when you give her a smile, tell her she looks and smells good and
by declaring a cheery, "Good morning!" It continues when you take a moment from your work at the office
and give her a brief phone call, one that says, "I was thinking about you!" Perhaps we could call this,
"all-day foreplay!"
If you always expect this variety of kindness to lead to sex, you are missing the point. Being there
for her when she needs a shoulder to lean on and being a committed listener, one who offers her your
complete attention when she only wants to talk, is all part of being a good love partner.
Paying sincere compliments, equally sharing household responsibilities and being her best friend is
not just being good to her to get what you want! It expresses love.
Women can detect insincerity a mile away. When you offer her your complete attention, you give her a
wonderful gift. You call attention to the fact that you respect her as a woman and your friend without
demanding anything in return.
When you make love, get your senses involved.
Touch your lover's skin with your tongue. Is it warm? Slick? Wet? Sticky? Soft? Pay attention to taste.
Salty? Sweet?
Listen for sounds that say you are being enjoyed. Did that soft whimper tell you you are doing
something right?
Watch your lover. When you do what you are doing, does she close her eyes? Does her body move slowly to
the rhythm of the music or rise to meet your touch?
What scents have you become aware of?
Intercourse is only a small part of making love. Her skin is
very sensitive to your touch. Take into account all of your five senses to more fully enjoy lovemaking.
Never rush sex, unless you have mutual agreement for a quickie. Gypsy Rose
Lee once said, "Anything worth doing, is worth doing slowly." Think fast. Go slow.
Give her a warm oil massage while she is blindfolded and while you're wearing sexy silk boxers.
She will smell the scented candles you have placed all over the room, listen to the soft, romantic music
you have in the background and feel the gentle touch of your magic fingers and slow hands all over her body.
Pause often to quench her thirst with her favorite cool beverage. Have your special massage be no less
than an hour of foreplay. Keep an eye on the clock if you must, but make it last. Don't rush.
Make love while she is still wearing the blindfold. Help her feel like the sexiest woman on earth when
she is in your embrace. Be gentle, caring, selfless, and in beautiful words, whisper enticing ideas of love.
Allow your partner to get lost in your lovemaking. Let her hear the sounds of your own pleasure and feel
the good vibrations. Savor the erotic fragrance of your lover's scent. Be deliberate. Make her body
feel like it is enveloped in a sensual trance and only you can pull her out. She'll be like putty in your hands!
You "need" to know what women want. Your love partner needs to feel wanted. She doesn't want to be needed.
She needs to be wanted, to feel connected to her partner.
She wants someone who is a slow lover. Someone who takes his time; someone who makes love on purpose.
She does not want or need a "two-minute wonder!" Be more on purpose and intentional.
A woman wants to be more than a wife. She wants to be your best friend and your lover.
She wants you to do things that cause her to feel like a woman. . . not a wife. She wants romance.
Send her an occasional "warm fuzzy" greeting card for no special reason, not just when you need to say
"I'm sorry" or want something. She wants lots of unexpected hugs and meaningful kisses.
She wants an occasional breakfast in bed. Guess who gets to be Chef?
She wants and needs time alone. Honor her space. And when she is with you, she wants everyone to know she
is with YOU. She wants affection. She wants to know she is really loved.
In that sense, she is just like a man. You may say, "She knows I love her!" This may be true AND she
still needs to hear you say it. Be generous with speaking, "I love you."
Your partner wants you to feel free to say what you feel. . . not what you think she needs to hear.
A woman wants you to take time to talk about things that are important to her, regardless of whether
YOU think they are important.
She needs you to listen to what she is saying. Give her all your attention. She needs sincerity.
She longs to be in the shelter of her lover's arms. She wants your time together to make her feel like
she's been given a gift. And most of all, she wants and needs respect!
It's all called, "foreplay."
Copyright © - Larry James. Adapted from the book, "Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers."
• If you would like to talk
one-on-one with Larry James about relationship issues related to this article, you are invited to arrange for a
private coaching session by telephone. Go to Personal Relationship Coaching
for specific details.
|
