with Relationship Sexpert Larry James
He Can't Get It Up?
(For Women Only)
Larry James
Every man has moments when what is supposed to work, doesn't.
Often women do not understand this. Demonstrate your understanding by being patient.
Unless there is a diagnosed medical problem, it may be only in his mind. Generally speaking, if he still wakes
up with a hard on or is able to masturbate when alone, it is not medical.
As men become older, their testosterone level drops. Some lose interest in sex. Others become afraid of
getting older and a few become impotent or experience sporadic periods of impotency.
For some men, it takes longer to have an erection, there may be less ejaculate, and it takes longer
between erections, but they can still have great sex until the day they die. It's their choice!
For most men, it is such an embarassing ordeal that they often will turn their back on sex rather than have to
admit that they are having a problem.
Be careful not to suggest to your love partner that because he can't get it up, there must be something wrong
with you; that you do not turn him on like you used too.
When a man is having trouble getting an erection or keeping it up, it is usually him, NOT YOU!
The last thing he needs is something more to think about when he is doing the best he can. Talk about it later.
Never, I repeat, NEVER talk about it while you are in the bedroom.
There is nothing that can chill a hot time more than suggesting that something is wrong with what is going
on in the moment. Save it.
How should a woman react when a man becomes impotent during sex?
First, understand that it isn't about you! Don't take it personally. I know. It's hard. (Pun intended). Just
remember, It can happen to the best of men.
For now. . . tell him it's okay. Hold him. Accept what he can give. Let him know how good it feels just to
be held closely by the one you love. Cuddle. Do spoons! Spoons fit together. So do two people who love each other.
Learn to love it flaccid. There are a lot of pleasurable things you can do with a limp penis. Touch him gently.
Offer a wet kiss.
Initiate. If he is unable or is concerned or under stress, you must take over if you want to continue
to have fun. Become more assertive. Encourage him to allow you to be the aggressor.
During relationship coaching, many men have confided that they wish their partner would be more agressive when
making love.
Watch a sexy movie. Whisper what "you" like in your lover's ear. Experiment with sex toys. Vibrators are in for men too.
Being intimate is not just about making love. Touch, kiss, handle, lick, stroke, nuzzle, play,
snuggle, pet, tongue, hold, nestle, fondle, squeeze, fool around, hug, compliment, notice, frolic, amuse,
embrace, caress, yield with abandon, and totally surrender.
Raise the bar! Say "yes" to each other. There are a lot of ways to share intimacy and make sex great without penetration.
Guide his hand to your
G-spot.
Show him where it is. While turning you on, he may catch some of the flame.
Good hand and mouth work will almost always assure a return engagement as a reward for your efforts.
This may be the night you get to take care of yourself. Taking care of yourself is the most personal
thing you can do with yourself.
If you have a secure, healthy and committed relationship and are looking for sexual adventure,
imagine the thrill you might feel if you could allow your lover to watch while you turn yourself on.
There is something to be said about taking the first step while you are still afraid.
Imagine the freedom of sexual expression you may experience if you could share your secret pleasure
with him. Be brave. Casually bring it up in a lovemaking interlude, lying quietly together.
Wonder aloud if he has ever fantasized about watching you pleasure yourself. When he nods in
agreement, begin to gently touch yourself as only you can. Break the rules. Smile. Say nothing.
Let him discover your busy hands. Make love to yourself. When he notices, don't stop.
With one hand begin softly stroking his penis. Titillate your lover with gentle, slow strokes,
remembering to use enough pressure and making use of the total skin surface.
Perhaps you will begin to feel the emotions and desire swell. (Pun intended). Most men are turned on by
watching their partner masturbate. Who knows, it may be the solution to the problem.
Before getting out of bed in the morning, take his sexual pulse by gently touching him between
his legs. If he awakens with an erection, don't miss the opportunity.
It is not always necessary to have intercourse to have hot sex in the bedroom. Be playful. Have fun with sex.
The mind is the greatest aphrodisiac. Use your imagination to heat things up between you.
Read: "Men with Sexual Problems and What Women Can Do to Help Them."
Copyright © - Larry James. Adapted from the book, "Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers."
For books about Erectile Dysfunction, click here.
• If you would like to talk
one-on-one with Larry James about relationship issues related to this article, you are invited to arrange for a
private coaching session by telephone. Go to Personal Relationship Coaching
for specific details.
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