Celebrate Intimacy

with Relationship Sexpert Larry James

This is a graphic description of things that can be done to pleasure a man orally. I've read all I could find and interviewed a lot of men to be able to bring you as thorough a coverage of the subject as I can.

This article is for women who would like to improve their skills at fellatio. And it's for men who would like to have their partner be better at it by being able to communicate better or by simply having her read this article.

Most men love oral sex. They like to give and they like to receive. For many, having a women perform fellatio on them is their favorite thing. Caroline and Charles Muir, godparents of American tantra, talk about it as "honoring his lingham." A truly beautiful idea. (Lingham:  Sanskrit for penis).

I've interviewed many men so I could have accurate information for my workshops. The thing that seems most important is enthusiasm. No teeth comes second, and technique third. Even when I asked gay men (I figured who would be better able to tell me) they also said enthusiasm. Imagine how it would be to have someone down there when you knew they didn't want to be.

Some women just can't bring themselves to do it, some do it begrudgingly and some enjoy it but don't want him to ejaculate in her mouth, or swallow.

I've spoken to many women who don't want to do it because they're insecure about what to do and how well they do it. When a women is performing fellatio on a man, if she's self conscious, she feels as if she's on stage. There's nothing else going on. Plus, she knows how much men like it, so that adds pressure. It's easier to avoid it all together.

Some women may be offended by the way a man smells or tastes. Possibly he needs to be more thorough when he bathes. Some women don't like the taste of semen. There might be some dietary changes he can make. I'm told if a man eats a lot of beef this can affect his taste in a negative way. If a man has a partner who wants to pleasure him but doesn't like his taste, try different dietary changes and maybe you can solve the problem.

When a man receives fellatio he's generally extremely grateful. If a woman swallows his semen, he looks at it as a huge honor. If you can learn to truly enjoy the whole process, you'll have an unbelievably happy man on your hands. Remember, number one, enthusiasm. For women who enjoy giving their partner this ultimate pleasure, here are some pointers.

First of all, be sure you're comfortable. The best way that his penis fits into your mouth is if you sit between his legs and lean over him. This also allows him a good view.

Let him know you're enjoying it as much as he is. Make noises, look at him with passionate eyes, treat his penis as if it's the most important thing in the world. To him, at this moment, it is.

There's more to a man's sexuality than his penis, however. Before even touching his penis, tease him by tickling with light feather strokes and kissing his chest, his belly, his hips, his inner thighs, moving closer but not yet touching him. Brush across his penis as if by accident as you kiss and stroke all around it. Kiss or lick it lightly, then move away.

When you do move to touching his penis directly, your frame of mind should be of honoring and making love to this amazing organ of pleasure. You're giving him a kind of pleasure that compares to nothing else.

If his penis isn't hard yet, hold it gently in your hand and put your mouth completely around it, all the way to the base. Swirl your tongue around it, especially the head. Then, pull it slowly out of your mouth, as you suck on it. Do this a few times. The sensation for him is generally enough to get him hard right away.

As an aside, a soft penis can be quite enjoyable for both of you. We have this idea that sex only happens with a hard-on. Some of the best lovemaking occurs with a soft-on.

Back to our topic. Now that he's hard, do a variety of things, mixing them up, surprising him with new thrills. Use your hand to hold him up most of the time so your mouth doesn't get tired. When you do find your jaw getting tired, take him out of your mouth, kiss and swirl your tongue around the tip, lick up and down the outside of his shaft, especially that ridge on the back, lick his testicles, his scrotum. Make it pleasurable for you both.

Don't forget that you're making love to his penis and let go of the goal that you're just trying to make him come. This is about savoring the experience, for both of you.

Put him deep into your mouth once in a while, but not all the time. You don't have to be a Linda Lovelace. The shaft is not as sensitive as the head. Move up and down, varying the speed, rhythm, and depth. If you put just slightly more pressure around his shaft as you're moving away from him, it feels good because it follows the natural flow of semen.

Look at him once in a while. That can really turn him on. Men like to watch. Let him know you like it too. Swirl your tongue around the head of his penis, the most sensitive part. Kiss it. Go back to moving in and out. Keep varying what you're doing, but don't jump from one thing to another too quickly either -- just long enough to where he might want a bit more.

With your other hand, tickle his belly, his thighs, and his testicles. Sometimes hold his testicles firmly, as you might to test the ripeness of a peach. You don't want to hurt him, but if the pressure is firm, not hard, and even, it can feel very good to him.

Touch his scrotum, softly and then with pressure, being careful not to hurt him. There's a spot about half an inch from his anus towards his scrotum that's especially sensitive. Touch that with mild pressure and soft strokes. Or stroke his anus.

Whenever you sense he's getting close to orgasm, the attention should focus on his penis. For orgasm, generally a man likes a more continuous rhythm, up and down on his penis. Swirl your tongue as you move up and down. Stroke his testicles. This will drive him wild and he may have the most intense orgasm of his life.

Put your hand around his shaft, while your mouth is around the head, and stroke him. Follow your mouth with your hand. Do this very slowly at times, savoring his pleasure, and then pick up the speed. Use a firm grip, keeping the shaft wet with your mouth, allowing your hand to slide up and down, try slightly less pressure as you move toward him and more as you move away.

As your move upward to the tip of his penis, swirl your tongue around the head, then move down the shaft again. Each time you move toward the head, swirl your tongue. Get a good rhythm going. Really get into making love to his lingham.

When he begins his orgasm, be especially aware of what he wants. He might hold your head and move you or slow you down. He might want to use his own hand. Allow whatever at this moment -- it's his moment and he's lost in the pleasure that you've created for him. Savor it.

To prolong his pleasure, after he's come, very gently -- too much can be uncomfortable because it overstimulates -- continue to pleasure him, swirling and moving ever so slowly.

He may not want to have an orgasm and want to be inside of you. Or you may want him inside of you. Ask him and see what his reaction is. If he wants you to stay there, you'll probably want to do what he's wanting at this time, since this is about pleasuring him right now. Allow him to lead. After he's come, you can slide him inside of you while he's still hard.

The main thing is to be intuitive about what he's liking and wanting. Ask him to guide you, to tell you exactly what he likes. If you let him know you really want to please him, he'll be happy to oblige with specific instructions. Keep the communication sexy, not clinical. Sometimes just saying "Tell me what you want," is enough to get his input. Each man is individual. These are just some ideas to try.

Some men may like it just one way and don't want you to mix it up. That's why communication is so important. If you're wanting to do this for him, you certainly want to do what he likes. Try new things but be willing to her that it doesn't work for him. Let him know you want to pleasure him. It's the highest compliment you can give him.

Most importantly, be spontaneous, creative, playful, sexy and enjoy being able to give pleasure that he'll not soon forget. Allow yourself to really get lost in the experience.

Most men will be thrilled with whatever you're doing. The only complaints I hear in my interviews is not being careful enough with the teeth, treating his lingham as if it's not part of him, not doing it long enough or often enough, and most importantly, not being enthusiastic about being there.

If you're goal is pleasuring him, you'll be great. Hopefully this will show you that being creative, having a loving attitude, and being willing to make it an enjoyable activity for both of you will create a fantastic experience.

If you're enthusiastic, passionate, and sexy, he'll go wild and your confidence as a lover will skyrocket.

Copyright © - Kara Oh. Reprinted with permission. Kara Oh, is a motivational speaker, author, web site maven, advice columnist, wife, mother of grown children and Ibu to her 7 year old grandson. In her book, "Men Made Easy," Kara reveals twelve essential secrets that every woman needs to know so she can counter the odds of our 50% divorce rate.  AliveWithLove.com

•  If you would like to talk one-on-one with Larry James about relationship issues related to this article, you are invited to arrange for a private coaching session by telephone. Go to Personal Relationship Coaching for specific details.

Articles Menu

Site Map