Celebrate Intimacy

with Relationship Sexpert Larry James

Next time, tell him to put down the remote and grab a broom!

For most couples, sex changes as life progresses - in one way or another. As life gets more complicated, sex often takes the back seat to other demands - especially in the case of the wife.

This is a known problem across America: Women who used to enjoy good sex with their partners, and who still love them, say that now they would just as soon go straight to sleep. An estimated 24 million American women aren't interested in sex, based on a recent study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association.

It's also partly what leads to old jokes about marriage, such as "the best way to end good sex is with a wedding."

Subsequently, too many husbands are then reduced to becoming, in the words of TV star and comedian Ray Romono, "sex beggars."

So, it comes down to this: Are you a sex beggar?

Get past the humorous side, and trust me‹it leads to some serious household tension. This often results in extramarital affairs and marital breakups.

If intimacy with your wife is not what it used to be, there is a good chance that your answer does not lie in books about sex. Bringing home a new teddy or other item to "spice things up" with your wife will do no good if you haven't tapped into why she's not interested in sex in the first place. Odds are, the reason is not sexual.

But a good part of the solution is . . . well, sort of.

What I am talking about here is Real Foreplay. But here's the catch: you are typically fully clothed, and your wife need not even be present.

Case in point: the first step (there are eight) in Real Foreplay is what I call "put down the remote and grab a broom." We men do a lot more housework than our dads did 20 years ago, but research indicates that women still do the most - two to three times what we do.

Hey, we all need a break; we all need to unwind. Yet, in telling ourselves that, sometimes we spend more time giving ourselves a break, and forgetting that our wives need one too. Let's think about this. How often do so many of us spend more time at the computer, in front of the TV, or on the golf course than we should? If you could trade that time for some heated, passionate lovemaking with your wife, wouldn't you? Wouldn't anyone?

Want to Get Lucky?

Let's face it, if your woman has to spend all her time at home picking up for the slack for someone else, why the heck would she want to jump your bones when the kids go to bed? She's exhausted, and now you want her to do more work?

Don't take my word for it. Go ask her yourself. Or perhaps she has told you, but you weren't really listening. The important thing is, now, you know what you can do about it. Here are just a few tips for helping out more around the house:

Be the first one up each morning.

Make it a lifelong habit to get up each morning between five and six a.m. Take your shower, get dressed. Empty the dishwasher, and get the coffee going. Pack the lunches, attend to any other chores that may prove a distraction for either you or her later on in the morning.

Make sure the gas tank of her car is always full.

This is a basic attitude of ensuring security for her. You are her husband, and as politically incorrect as this sounds, as liberated and career-minded as your wife may very well be (or not), taking small, thoughtful steps in this manner is a powerful expression of love and protection.

Other simple habits to adopt is to make sure her cell phone is charged, or even just helping to make sure that there are sufficient grocery necessities in the house. What kind of small favors can you do for her, unannounced, that will save her much time, stress and frustration as she goes through her week?

Clean up after yourself, and the kids.

Be proactive about maintaining your household. Few things stress a woman out more than a filthy house, and few things dirty up a house than a husband and a bunch of kids. Yet, adopting simple habits of neatness and cleanliness will also rub off on your children, although it may not appear that way when they are young.

This means, not just putting the toilet seat down, but wiping the rim and keeping it clean. Wipe down surfaces in the bathroom and kitchen. Put hygiene products away when not in use. Odds are, you are sharing space with your wife - be considerate of that space. It's all about habits. If there is a household problem that needs addressing, create a solution and do it. If you start a project, finish it, and allow your family to reap the benefits.

This is just the first of what I call the "eight easy steps of Real Foreplay." Despite the appeal of my sales pitch, they are not "eight ways to get laid." They are simple habits to adopt in your quest to be a better husband for your wife. More loving, more caring, more listening. Learn to walk in her shoes. Follow these steps, and you will soon learn what "getting lucky" is truly all about.

Copyright © - Keith F. Luscher. Reprinted with permission. Keith F. Luscher is a consultant, speaker, and author of the new book Real Foreplay: 8 Easy Steps for the Man Who Wants to Become Closer And More Intimate With His Wife.

•  If you would like to talk one-on-one with Larry James about relationship issues related to this article, you are invited to arrange for a private coaching session by telephone. Go to Personal Relationship Coaching for specific details.

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