with Relationship Sexpert Larry James
Understanding Your
Partner's Sexuality
Alina Ruigrok, Guest Author
Sexual expression plays a huge role in relationships. It is way for people to show their lovers what they feel about them through
passionate and intimate ways. As wonderful as sexuality can be, it is often misunderstood, which is why the average couple faces
sexual conflicts and challenges at some point during their relationship. This is no way is a generalization of men and women, but
the truth is, men and women handle their sexuality differently - on an average.
If couples spend some time to truly learn and
understand their partner's sexuality, they can build a happier and healthier sex life together, instead of facing the conflicts
that stall their relationship from blossoming further.
Okay, so you now know that according for your sex life to improve, you need to understand your partner's sexuality. . . but where
do you start? Good question, but there is no particular area to start. You can start at any angle you wish, as long as you are
learning something about your partner's sexual behavior.
Of course, the most advisable suggestion would be communication, for
every counseling psychologist believes that all couple conflicts exist because of poor communication that needs to be improved.
This may be true, but it is a very general suggestion- too general for you to understand where to start. You see, this is because
you do not know what communication to improve. Many couples may have wonderful communication between each other and get along great,
except for when it comes to making love.
How can this be if you communicate so well? The answer is very simple, yet most people would
not think of it. In fact, the average person sees communication as a general skill that works for all areas of life, which is why
most couple gets confused when their sex life starts to lack. The answer is: You need to improve your Sexual Communication.
Fine, that sounds simple enough. So all you have to do is talk about your sex life with your lover to clear any confusion?
Well, yes - talking about what is going on in your bedroom certainly helps you both understand what is going on in each others
minds, but that is not the entire solution. Besides talking about it, you have got to do some research and work on your own.
This means you need to make an effort to study your partner's sexuality by learning what triggers good and bad sexual responses.
This is where it can get challenging because men and women view sex differently. Though men have times they are not "in the mood" due
to other things going on in their life, they usually can tune out everything when it comes to having a lovemaking session with their
partner. In fact, for many men, sex is great way to help them feel better and relax - like a stress reducer.
For women however, sex is a more fragile subject and involves a lot of emotion. If a woman is having a bad day or has a million
things going on in her mind, it distracts her from getting involved in good sexual activity. Men take this offensively, thinking that
the reason their woman does not want to have sex or is not that into it, is because she is no longer as turned on by him, or even
being selfish - when this is most of the time not true.
Women need to be approached in certain ways that will make them feel relaxed, safe and ready to have sex. Men too have their own
preferences of ways to be approached.
There are many methods you can use to better understand your partner's sexuality and improve your sex life. Begin by trying
something different that you do not usually do, but also try combining that with a behavior you use often, so that your partner can
still feel familiar and comfortable.
Good ideas that have succeeded are giving your partner a full body massage to help them relax and open up, setting up a sexy and
romantic scene in the bedroom (example: candlelight, sexy music, sexy food like chocolate strawberries, body oils and butters,
champagne, etc.), having an indoor picnic at home, taking a bath and scrubbing your lovers body, taking your lover out on a date and
then staying in a nice hotel for the night. . . and so on.
One of the main reasons sex conflicts occur eventually during a relationship, is due to the fact that the sex and romance fell
into "routine" or a comfort zone. To keep a sexual relationship exciting, you must take different routes and try new things and keep
it creative.
Knowing what works best when it comes to awakening your lover's sexual cravings, will take time and effort, not to mention a good
deal of exploration. Not that this would actually feel like work, for exploring new areas and new routines tend to always spice up
a relationship and draw the two of you together.
You and your partner will not only be involved in more lovemaking sessions together, but will also discover new things about
each other and your relationship, which will open new doors to better communication, new ideas, as well as learning more do's and
don'ts for your relationship.
Understanding your partner's sexuality is not as hard as you may think. All it requires is the will and patience to observe and
pay attention to what makes him or her tick and respond to you in the way you find most appealing.
While you are learning and using new ideas to enhance your sexual side of your relationship, you and your partner will automatically
strengthen your bond, love, respect and understanding towards one another, which is what being in a relationship is all about.
Remember, when trying to improve a sexual relationship, you must look at things from two points of views: yours and your partners.
As long as you make the best effort to this, plus good communication on both your parts, your relationship will be maintained
in the most clear and satisfying form.
Copyright © MMIII - Alina Ruigrok is an independent relationship expert.
Visit her Website: www.Love-Sessions.com.
• • •
• If you would like to talk
one-on-one with Larry James about relationship issues related to this article, you are invited to arrange for a
private coaching session by telephone. Go to Personal Relationship Coaching
for specific details.
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