with Relationship Sexpert Larry James
Oh, no! Not the "M" Word!
Larry James
Anti-masturbation activists would have you believe that self-gratification is wrong. Masturbation is making love
with someone you love. It is exploring your own sexuality. Most everyone does it. Few talk openly about it.
Single-handed sexual gratification injures no one, not even the practitioner. Self-masturbation is a concert
with one-part harmony. Know your instrument. Learn to play it well. The melody becomes even sweeter when there is
two-part harmony played in recital with your lover.
Erotic, self-stimulation to orgasm is clearly a built-in component of human sexuality. Reaching climax in this
way is one of the highest forms of self-pleasure. Let's put away the old fashioned idea that masturbation is not
good for you.
Of course, anything to an excess is bad. To masturbate in lieu of making love with your partner is wrong;
however, when used for self-enjoyment on an occasional basis or in concert with your partner, it offers a
healthy release.
Several studies show that people masturbate more when they're getting good sex, because they are more
aware of their bodies and because their brain chemistry is geared to the pleasure it gives.
Not one of the old myths about the harmful effects of masturbation is true. It does not matter how much
you do it. It puts you more in touch with your body when you experiment with your own sexual responsiveness.
Here is the value of masturbation. Once you discover how to give yourself pleasure it is easier to show
and tell your love partner what makes you feel good. You take nothing from your relationship when you
self-stimulate.
When you get married, some believe that you should leave masturbation at the threshold now that you have
a partner. Not so. Masturbation can be a great substitute for intercourse when you have no partner, or
when your love partner is not in the mood or unavailable. It will not make your marriage partner obsolete.
Reaching orgasm by self-stimulation feels good. Overcoming the guilt that may have been instilled as a
child, however, is often difficult. The majority of men and women practice solo sex and some suffer the
same irrational guilt. There is no shame in taking care of yourself.
Sometimes it feels good just to be able to satisfy your own sexual needs in your own way without having
to consider anyone else.
The so-called shame of masturbation runs deep for many of us. Get over it! Hair will not grow on the
palm of your hand and you will not go blind!
There is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself sexually when your love partner is unavailable or
if you feel you need immediate sexual release.
Almost everyone masturbates occasionally, but seldom do we talk about it. Many who would lie about
this would lie about other things too!
Until you know how to pleasure yourself, it is very difficult to tell your love partner how to give
you the pleasure you need. Self-stimulation is one of the very best ways to discover your sexual responsiveness.
In a healthy love relationship it is okay to talk about "taking care of yourself". Some sexually mature
love partners often help each other to reach orgasm by mutual masturbation while making love. Once you
break through this barrier, you can discover an intimacy so profound that every area of your relationship
is enhanced beyond belief.
Some lovers agree to masturbate their partner when they are not "in the mood" for intercourse. It is
just another way of experiencing sexual pleasure together.
It was George Carlin who said, "If God didn't want us to masturbate, he would have made our arms shorter!"
Copyright © - Larry James. Adapted from the book, "Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers."
• If you would like to talk
one-on-one with Larry James about relationship issues related to this article, you are invited to arrange for a
private coaching session by telephone. Go to Personal Relationship Coaching
for specific details.
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