with Relationship Sexpert Larry James
Secrets of Sex-cess!
Lessons in Sexual Creativity
Larry James
The subtitle of my book, "Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers" which is The Importance of Great Sexual
Communication and Other Essentials for Extraordinary Hot Sex! tells it all. This article is about that and more.
So often in coaching couples about the sexual side of their relationship, I hear one or both partners say, "The passion is
gone. We're just roommates. It's just not the same as it was. We hardly ever make love anymore." How sad to have
moved away from the excitement that once was.
While it may be true that with the passing of time some couples tend to tilt away from the consistency of
effort that is required to keep them on track, it doesn't have to be that way.
When you have experienced a pulling away; a slowdown in affection, sex and all the other important
things that seemed to matter when you first met, it is often difficult to begin again.
The hardest part of coming out of a sexual slump is acknowledging you are in one. You cannot solve a problem
that you cannot admit you have.
Someone has to make the first move. Perhaps you must give up being "right" about
the issue that has kept the love fire at a simmer rather than a red hot flame. Go ahead. You be it.
When the energy you pour into your relationship has slowed to a trickle, here are some things to consider for
extraordinary sexual sex-cess.
Put Passion Back in Fashion - Passion is not only about sex. It's about having strong feelings
about something. Ever hear of a crime of passion? Passion means many things to many people. It may be a
burning desire to reconnect with your partner in conversation. Demonstrate passion by passionately working
together on your relationship. It can blaze new trails.
Time Out - No Sex? Not much intimacy anymore? Been a long time since you actually made love? Too long? Hummm!
Know this is true: "Relationship problems always show up in the bedroom." Many couples avoid sex when
marital issues surface because they feel emotionally distant. Often couples who come to me for
relationship coaching in the sexual area discover that it's not about sex at all.
A lack of sex is nearly always a symptom of something that needs fixing in the relationship. It's
about fixing all the little nuances that bring on the upsets in your relationship. It is difficult to
be turned on to make love when there are upsets with your partner you have yet to address. Anger,
resentment, disappointment, bitterness and stress do not make good bed partners. Unless there is a
medical problem, when you fix these problems, usually the sex will take care of itself.
Honk If You're Horney! - Let your partner know when you are hungry for sex. Don't hint. Hints don't work.
Be more assertive. Take the lead. Ask. Plan a get-away. Get naked together and take turns sponging off your partner
in the shower. Hmmmmm. Wonder what that could lead to?
Discover Your Partner's Hot Buttons - . . . and push them! Where is that special place
she loves to be kissed? What is that special thing you do that turns him on? Write down what you really like or
something you would like to try on a piece of paper and trade papers. Next time you're together, surprise your
partner with something from their list.
Go Back to School - Where did you learn about sex? Education is a valuable asset. Perhaps some of
you would be better off disgarding all you think you know about making love and starting over. Attend sex seminars.
Read good books like, " Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers" and others featured in
our online sexy book store. Talk with a
sex coach. Learn all you can about pleasing your partner. Men, are you
paying attention?
Weed Your Garden - Cast off all complaints, sarcasm and negative comments about your lover. No sniveling.
If your partner is not the greatest lover and you want "more and better," then be his/her teacher. Only complaining
about it will not change anything. Continuing to speak about your lover's in a negative way only continues
what you say you don't want. Wise up. Be grateful for what you have.
Sex Does A Body Good - We know sex is fun but did you know it can also make you healthy? Frequent sex
(once or more per week) may help us to live longer and healthier according to Dr. Stephen Bogdewic, of Family Medicine
at Indiana University School of Medicine. "If a new drug had that same impact, virtually every doctor in the country would be recommending it."
Sex offers many health benefits that may be initially overlooked. First, it's a physical activity that gets the
heart pumping and gives the muscles a workout. However, a half-hour of sex only burns about 50 calories, so don't
think this can be your only form of exercise!
It also triggers the release of endorphins, natural opiates, and oxytocin,
a hormone that encourages us to bond. Oxytocin is the same hormone that is released when a mother nurses her baby, so
now wonder it makes us want to cuddle. Blood flow to the brain is increased and fresh oxygen pulses through our body.
Studies show that sex stimulates the immune system. Regular sex also improves mental health by putting us in a better mood and improving our sleep.
NOTE: This article is a work in progress. More to come soon!
• • •
Copyright © - Larry James.
Adapted from the book, " Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers: The
Importance of Great Sexual Communication and Other Essentials for Extraordinary Hot Sex!."
• If you would like to talk
one-on-one with Larry James about relationship issues related to this article, you are invited to arrange for a
private coaching session by telephone. Go to Personal Relationship Coaching
for specific details.
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