with Relationship Sexpert Larry James
Show and Tell
(For Women Only)
Larry James
Just because a man loves you does not mean he has a crystal ball!
Parents learned to intuitively know what you want. Mommy and daddy are no longer with you. You must actively
communicate your needs. Never expect him to know what you want or need.
If you want good lovin' - like something from the oven. . . hot and delicious - then be courageous and
tell him what you need.
One of the reasons it is wise not to withhold in the sexual area is because when you say what you want,
you can have so much more fun being with your partner sexually. Maybe you think your love partner knows what
you want, and he really doesn't. What if what you wanted was okay with him?
Perhaps you were nearing orgasm and he stopped too soon, and he didn't know. This is another peek at the
open and honest part of your relationship. Open yourself up to your lover. Be courageous enough to be
vulnerable. Tell him.
You may not always get what you want, and you may be surprised, you very well may.
You must always do your best to not have any expectations about whether your love partner will respond like
you think he should. What this may mean is that you get to enjoy him the way he is and he gets to enjoy you
the way you are while making love. Either way, you both win.
It's called sexual freedom to be who you need to be for yourself, and at the same time, you get to be
who you really are with your lover.
That's what making love is all about: Sexual energy mutually exchanged, a sort of spiritual mingling.
When you are always being honest about your innermost feelings you really can have more fun in bed.
Often it is difficult to find the right words to tell your partner you are not in the mood for sex
without causing him to feel rejected. Reassuring your mate that you are rejecting the "invitation" for
making love rather than rejecting him is important.
"Not tonight, dear - I have a headache" is a copout. If you don't feel in the mood. . . say so.
It's okay. You don't have to give a phony reason. Phony reasons are identifiable. They are noticed
and filed away. They sound like putoffs.
Too many of them and you will find your lover cooling off.
Once you learn to openly communicate your sexual needs and desires and reach agreement about how you
can say "No" in a way he can accept, the more he will trust you and love you and the less he will feel rejected.
"You, fake orgasm??" Women who fake it rarely ever make it to a higher level of sexual awareness or
experience. Some women can and do reach orgasm and some women won't, can't or don't.
It's your body and you get to do with it whatever you choose. If you say you are reaching orgasm and
don't, he will never really learn how to give you the pleasure you so richly deserve. This is a lie!
Be his teacher. Tell the truth! Let him know that sometimes you will and sometimes you won't and
it's not about HIM. It's your choice!
Just because you did not reach orgasm does not mean you failed to enjoy the experience. Tell him so.
If he is doing something right and you are almost there, let him know. He cannot read your mind and,
believe it or not, most men cannot tell unless you have a body-shaking, earth-moving orgasm!
To let your partner know you are ready for love, do some heavy flirting with your eyes. Wink.
Give him that come hither look. Motion with your finger. Blow him a kiss.
Men are intoxicated by the enchanting look of love in their partner's eyes. He can tell you are
ready for love.
Lighten up! Be obviously available. Give him the green light with your baby blues. Be seductive.
Slowly wet your lips.
In the midst of flirting, toss your hair and drop a few intriguing hints of things to come. Smile.
Get close enough to let him pick up the scent of his favorite perfume.
Be a little mysterious. It demonstrates a quiet confidence that will make him know that there are
many things about you that he has yet to learn. He will soon be under your spell.
Learn to lure your lover with your eyes, gestures, quiet conversation and never be afraid to
initiate an intimate sexual rendezvous.
If you want to boost your husband's self-esteem as well as his sex drive, make the first move.
Most men love it when their lover initiates sex. Seduce him. This is no time to be shy.
Here are three sexy ideas.
- Begin flirting with him while he sips his coffee in the morning. Call him
at the office. Tell him what you really want! He will be ready when he arrives home. So will you.
Anticipation activates sexual energy.
- Wait until a commercial comes on, then walk into the living room where he is watching TV in only
your most sexy panties. Turn off the TV, kneel in front of him, put your hands between his legs
and tell him you would like to have a quickie on the floor. . . right now!
You have about 5 to 6 minutes of commercials before the show starts again. Most men won't last that
long with a come-on like this.
- Long after the lights go out in the bedroom, begin by touching yourself and when you are
ready, wake him up in the middle of the night gently stroking his penis. Seldom will he remain flaccid
nor will he reject your advances.
When you come on to him first, it helps him know that you want him as much as he wants you.
Men love women who love to make love! Don't just lay there! He can have that much fun with an
inflatable doll. Show him you get pleasure from sex, too! Tell him what you need!
Actively pursue him sexually.
Never let him do all the work. Make love to him. Taking turns can be FUN!
Talk to your man. Ask him if he would enjoy being awakened in the middle of the night to finish you
off, assuming you have taken the initiative to start without him.
Ask if he would like to know when you are "in the mood". Discover what turns him on. Ask him what
that is. You may be surprised!
It really is okay for a woman to initiate sex whenever she is turned on and wants to. Talking about
this in advance can also be a turn-on. It can be very beneficial when you have agreements about
your spontaneity.
Think about this. If you always already think you know what makes your man feel special when you
are making love with him, you may never discover the other interesting possibilities that he may hold
as sacred fantasies, fantasies you both might enjoy together.
When you ask and he has the courage to tell you, you can surprise him by being the sexual
gourmet he has always dreamed about.
Copyright © - Larry James. Adapted from the book, "Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers."
• If you would like to talk
one-on-one with Larry James about relationship issues related to this article, you are invited to arrange for a
private coaching session by telephone. Go to Personal Relationship Coaching
for specific details.
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